Tolerance toward Those Thirsty for Attention
Have you ever been so thirsty or hungry that you acted slightly undignified
trying to acquire something to meet your immediate need?
People can be so hungry for love or approval that they seem to demand it. It is
a natural human instinct to want to be loved, approved of, and complimented at
times. Either one's job or personal life has to fulfill these needs but when
both the professional life and the home life is completely void and dry of
meeting those needs then people might appear to beg for attention.
Humans need to know their life is worth living. They desire to hear they are
needed and are accomplishing something good. They need to know that someone
notices and cares whether they are dead or alive.
What is the longest period of time you have gone without anyone saying, "Thank
you"; "I appreciate you,"; "Good job!"; "I love you."; "I like your......"; "I
like it when you ......."?
From my work experience, when people come across another who appears to be needy
in the self confidence department and displays signs of needing approval then
they do the opposite. Instead of providing some needed approval to that person
they withhold it even more because they don't like the way the needy person is
acting. This is like finding a fallen starving homeless person who is stretching
to take hold of some desperately needed food and then you walk up and kick the
food futher out of reach because you despise their unbecoming behavior and
appearance.
The psychology of why people behave the way they do has always interested me.
From my experience as a supervisor and employer I have learned that every person
who has a strange personality trait there is usually a previous dramatic life
experience that explains it. For example, a previous employee of mine
occasionally made subtle bitter comments toward the men in the office. During
her annual review I reached out and sincerely asked her if she had ever been
hurt by a man before. I assured her she did not have to answer that question if
she didn't want to but that I had sensed some unusual bitterness and cared about
her. After recomposing from the unexpected question she teared up and began to
tell me a heart wrenching story of how her own father had repetitively raped her
as a child and her mother did nothing to stop it. We sat and cried together for
several hours. The behavior finally made sense. She actually wanted a normal
relationship with a man but was too afraid to get close so she made
unprofessional comments to encourage them to stay away from her. I know this
story had nothing to do with a person seeking approval but I used it to explain
that there is usually a logical explanation for a person's odd behavior like
constantly seeking approval.
If a person has been in the emotional desert for a while then they cannot help
craving attention. Just like someone who is extremely thirsty or hungry cannot
help from being obsessed with finding food or water. Inside they want to be
honest and shout their need out loud but it would appear too arrogant. Instead
it seeps out in unexplained actions.
If you know someone at work who is obviously seeking attention or approval I
would almost guarantee you that they are carrying a heavy load of pain around
everyday and have been for a very long time without receiving a compliment or
love from the people closes to them in life — work, church, or home. They are
screaming inside for some recognition that their life is truly worth living.
They need to know that the purpose of life it not just waking up, working, and
going home day after day with no evidence that they are making a contribution to
God, their, employer, to someone or anything important. Feeling like you are
worth nothing to other humans or feeling like the world thinks you are
contributing nothing is unbearable to someone who wants to be productive and be
a part of things that make a difference in the lives of others.
It is NOT THE COMPLIMENTS they seek. It is the assurance of WORTH that they
desperately need.
When someone is irritating you by seeking attention, approval, or love then seek
an opportunity to provide some. They might just need a sip or a whole glass to
tie them over for a while. Hurting people need some kind words from time to
time. It does not mean they want people to overly dote on them with superficial
comments. Normal people know the difference in fake bragging and sincere
appreciation.
An occasional shot of unconditional love and compliments may be all it takes to
lift their spirits and give them a needed break from the worthlessness that they
feel. Simple kind words are to the heart like cool water is to a parched and dry
tongue.
These verses not only apply to your enemies but they also apply to the
UNLOVEABLE.
Luke 6:
32 For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love
those that love them.
33 And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for
sinners also do even the same.
34 And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for
sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again.
35 But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again;
and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest:
for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.
36 Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful.
37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be
condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:
38 Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken
together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same
measure that ye in withal it shall be measured to you again.
Written by: M H Spicer 10/26/2009